well you can't waste a boner
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Vodka?
Forever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
