Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
