Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Still dying that you shit outside
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i now understand why vodka
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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