Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
