2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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