Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
