my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
