Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
