Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
