i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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