I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
