I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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