I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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