piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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