my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
