every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
