Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
