It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
