My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
