they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
