Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
