I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
