what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
