Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
