walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
