dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
