I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
