Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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