Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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