This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
