do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
