VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm too high and old for this...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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