I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
