so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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