Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
