I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
