If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
