He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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