I wish I could punch you in the face.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
