Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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