Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
