i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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