i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
