he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
