Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
