Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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