Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
