where am i from again
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
