we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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