Welp...herpes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
