I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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