I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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