There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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